Toby Martini

Better Business & Better Speaking through Improv!

New Beginnings

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The New Year brings New Beginnings…

(And the best video on the internet)

I’ve never been a big fan of New Year’s resolutions and I have always just Hated planning, organizing, and strategizing. I mean, I’m an Improv guy, right? Live in the moment. Create… Now!

But, I have finally got it in my head: Planning is important. Knowing where you’re going and where you’re going to stop along the way is imperative. Otherwise  there’s just a lot of meandering and when there’s a great success, you won’t know how it happened nor how to make it happen again.

Yes. Be able to improvise. Awesome… AND being prepared makes things easier and probably better in both quality and quality of life (because the stress is less).

So, I’ve created a planning group and we put our year out on paper. Lots going on: workshops, keynotes, 1-day events, a big event at the end of the year, a new radio show, and back to blogging. Now to go make that happen!

Which brings me to the best video on the internet… for entrepreneurs, artists, and anyone that is starting something.

Ze Frank returned to the internet last year and this was his opening salvo.
I find it insanely inspiring and correct. It hits on many of the little chatter bits that come up in our heads. And it’s still fun.

I watch it every time I start something new. And right now, I’m starting a LOT that’s new!

I better start making some videos, too!

Are people mean to you?

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Are people mean to you?
Do you think it’s on purpose?

Check out this article below. It reminds of this, possibly mis-paraphrased, quote:

Don’t worry what people are thinking about you. They’re Not.

If only we could all give up the “always looking good (or cool)” game, more would actually be accomplished in the world. Sadly, sometimes looking good keeps people from trying. It’s the root of Fear of Failure.

(This is excerpted from Scott Young’s “Critical 7 Rules To Understand People”)


Never blame malice for what can easily be explained by conceit.

People don’t care about you. This isn’t because people are mean or hurtful, but simply because they are mostly focused on themselves.

Consider this hypothetical pie-chart showing the variety of thoughts a typical person has:

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In this example, 60% of thoughts are self-directed. My goals. My problems. My feelings. Another 30% are directed towards relationships, but how they affect me. What does Julie think of me? How will boss evaluate my performance in the next review? Do my friends like me or see me as irritating?

Only 10% in this model is time spent in empathy. Empathy is the rare event where one person actually feels the emotions, problems and perspective of another person. Instead of asking what Julie thinks of me, I ask what is Julie thinking.

Within that 10%, most people then divide attention between hundreds of other people they know. As a result, you would occupy a fraction of a percentage in most peoples minds, and only a couple percentage points in a deeply bonded relationship. Even if you are in another persons thoughts, it is how your relationship affects them, not you.

What does this mean?

Embarrassment doesn’t make a lot of sense. Since others are only focusing a small portion of there thoughts onto judging you, your self-judgement is overwhelmingly larger.

People who appear to be mean or hurtful don’t usually do it intentionally. There are exceptions to this, but generally the hurt you feel is a side-effect, not the principle cause.

Relationships are your job to maintain. Don’t wait to be invited to parties or for people to approach you.

Environment wins

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Humpty Dumpty vs the Wall

When people attempt big changes in their life,  they often overlook the importance of their environment. By environment, I mean more than just the place you live. Your environment includes the people that are around you, too.

Friends and family tend to support your daily efforts and your “reasonable” goals. But, often when you decide to really streatch out and start to make a dream happen for you, you’ll find some resistance.

Subtle (or not so subtle) suggestions and actions may start. Suddenly, the people that most love and support you are telling you things like, “That sounds great, but don’t quit your day job.” or “That sounds nice. But, it will have to wait until everything gets settled first.”  These peer pressures ask you to put off your dream or abandon them.

Why would those that love you ask you to forsake your dreams? It’s precisely because they do love you. The want you to be safe. Just like the little piece of your brain that is constantly trying to keep you safe and looking good, they don’t want you to be hurt.

I don’t recommend arguing with them. Arguing or stating rational facts won’t necessarily win the day. You’ll want to calm them. Make sure they know that you are not jumping off a cliff, nor are you abandoning them or your life. Once they know that you are prepared and that you have considered all of the angles, here is where you get to invite them into your game…

Create an inspiring vision of how it’s going to be when you succeed. Tell them how great it is going to be for you. Use vivid, colorful imagery and really create a world that they can see. Tell them how it will be for them in your future, too. Bring them into this future world of yours and make them feel at home.

Instead of dealing with subtle pressure to just stay the way you’ve been, you will now have cheering fans 0n the sidelines and hopefully much more direct assistance too.

Another benefit of this tactic is that by creating a vivid, inspiring future for them to see, you are constantly reinvigorated by it, too! If you can see what it is you’re working towards, it will help you more easily clear any obstacles that show up along the way.

So, go create something awesome for your life and bring your friends and family for the ride!

The Inspiration Age

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Are you prepared for the Inspiration Age?

The Industrial Age was about building more, faster, cheaper. Which is nice, but we end up with a lot of mass-produced, cheap… junk.
And they tried oh-so hard to advertise to us; to get us to buy it all.
The Information Age was about knowing more, always learning more… computers, and technology. Awesome, but ultimately we end up talking and interacting with our machines more than people. All of these programs that are built to streamline our lives and make things easier end up taking up all of our time.
There are online communities, squeeze pages, and social media. Now the sales pitch comes in a “Let’s be friends. You’ll like me (“me” = this persona that I’ve created online), so you’ll buy from me” model.
The Inspiration Age is here! This is an age of inspiration and investment. If you want to sell to people, you need to show them a vision of how life will be when they step into that future. And the other part is about investment. The old models were about parting you and your money. The new model shows purchases as an investment in the future.
Marketing and sales will need to change.
Less “Ain’t we great” and “New and Improved!”
More transparency. Authenticity. Be real and provide value.

So, if you are selling something (even more importantly if you are selling a service) be real, authentic, and show yourself as you are. Be less concerned about politically correct or trying to apppeal to some generic customer. You are making up how you think “the masses” are going to react to you.

You’ll never appeal to everyone anyway, so get yourself deeply connected with those that will resonate with you.

Be you, out loud, as much as possible.

In business and in your life.

A tech minded solution for great relationships

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So, I am a tech guy and I think pretty linearly. I look for elegant answers to complex problems. AND, I’m into relationships, too. (I’ve been with my wife for 22 years.)

I know that people have been searching for this answer for years. And this topic has been the basis for hundreds of jokes by stand-up comics.

But, I have a valid solution and I hope that everyone will take this to heart and create happiness and peace in their relationships. I offer you the “magic bullet” to making relationships work! It’s pretty simple. Ready?

(Before you look below, you MUST realize that I mean this advice for BOTH sexes. Not just for men, as it is usually cast.)

Look at this diagram: Put the seat AND THE LID down If the seat is down, close the lid over it. If the seat is up, Put Them Both Down. Everyone. Every Time. Yes. You will have to open the toilet every time you need to go.


Results:

  • No complaints about someone forgetting to put the seat down.
  • Nobody is going to pee on the seat.
    Well, someone might, but they’re so drunk that you should be happy they’re not peeing in your fridge. (Which I have a true story about, but will not share more now.)
  • Equality! Everyone will have to open the lid to go.

Just another problem I can help with!