Toby Martini

Better Business & Better Speaking through Improv!

Happy New Year!

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This is the first work day of the new year.
blank-black-chalkboardLet’s start by Starting Over.

No matter what happened to you in the last year or before that, your future is unblemished.
Do not bring your junk forward. What has happened has happened.
Now, let’s call a do-over and start from here.

You have resources: a body, a mind, and heart. Perhaps some money, friends, partners. You have a knack for something that most other people do not. Use it, nurture it, grow.

If you don’t already know, here is a secret to success in life. Help other people get what they want.
Bam! Make someone’s life easier or better and you are paid immediately in self satisfaction and probably thanks. If you’ve thought about it first, you may have been paid in cash. But that’s not what is important at first. Now, it’s just about finding out what helps and that someone’s better for it.

NOW, embiggen!

Go help more people and charge what you’re worth. Not what your past may tell you you’re worth. But how valuable is this to The Person That Needs It??

This is The Year of Good Fortune for those that help. (Because I said so!)
I promise to help more people and I am going to do so well for myself (and family) and do so much good for the world, that I will seem like a new person to you. Fear not, I’m still me; friendly, approachable, and fun.

How about you? Want to be in the business of changing lives?
Start now. Start fresh.

A new year is a clean slate for you to write your future on.
Happy New Year!

Whose dream (plan, style) IS it?

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Through some recent coaching, deep thinking, and business strategy conversations, I have come to realize that I have been living a lie. At least, I’ve been running my business as if I were someone else.

The short version of my history is that for the first half of my adult life, starting when I entered the workforce, everything just… worked for me. I met the right people. I was in the right industry. Things just always seemed to fall into place. In life, in love, and in earning a living, I was 10 feet tall and golden.

Improvising everything (before I knew what Improv was); making it up as I went; “playing” at things to make them fun just seemed to work.

I had a series of jobs, doing what we were all trained to do: Join Corporate America. Follow their plans. Love stability.

Working at high levels in Citibank, Danka Office Imaging. and Verizon taught me how to play that game… with structures that large businesses need to run.

 

After a crazy “birthing period,” I swore that I’d never go back to a cubicle again. No more Corporate America for me. I had become psychologically unemployable. (My wife wasn’t exactly thrilled to hear that I was going to have no fall-back plan.)

I subscribe to the theory was that if you have a fall-back plan, you’ll fall back. If you have no other choice than to make it work, you will make it work.

I decided that I was going to turn my business into a Business. I’d get contractors and, one day, employees.

Since I had no business training and big corporate doesn’t teach you anything about running a small business, I started reading and attending seminars, and learning everything I could about business.

I’m a voracious reader and I would read three books a week, pulling everything I could out of each book in order to figure out how to run a a successful business.  Here’s a few great ones I still recommend.

THE LIE

Now, after all that preamble and history, let me tell you how I’ve been living a lie.

I am an improvisor; onstage for years, but just generally in life, too. I am at my best when I don’t know what’s going to happen. Planning for me is a chore and plans don’t work out the way they’re planned anyway. I am a masterful impromptu speaker, teacher, and all-around “get-it-done whatever it takes” guy.

Living the first half of my life that way worked great. But for the last… 10 years, I’ve become someone else.

I have been trying to run my businesses the way the books say. I’ve been trying to Get Things Done like David Allen. I’ve been Trying to be a Highly Effective Person like Brian Tracy.

Basically, I’ve been trying to be the sort of person that they are and I can’t do it. Because I am not them! I’m nothing like them. Yes, we’re all people in business. But, if you look at our personality types, we couldn’t be more different.

There are all these “rules” that I’m carrying around about what is the “right way” to do things and I wonder why sometimes I struggle or don’t want to go get something done. Perhaps it’s because I shouldn’t be doing it! Or at least not doing it in a way that seemed to work for someone else.

Improv ALL the time?

My friend Laura, who is a vocal coach, once told me… actually she sang to me, <lovely lilting singing voice> “I am a vocal coach. I teach people to sing,  but I don’t always sing when I talk to them or do my accounting.” <breath> “Just because you are an improvisor doesn’t mean you need to improvise ALL the time.” </ lovely lilting singing voice>

I thought that was a great point and took it to heart. It really IS good advice and a fun way to share it with me.

In fact, I had already been telling people to be two-headed about themselves and their business. I’d say “Certainly, you should plan, but always know that plans fall apart, things change. Be prepared to wing it when needed.” But combined with her example, I became even more dichotomous. PLAN, SCHEDULE, PREPARE! …and be prepared to wing it.

Somehow for me, Wing It became secondary.

Wing it and Win!

The recent revelation is this: While those people’s tactics, strategies, and mindsets work for them AND may even work for the vast majority of people, it’s not for me. Perhaps I’m weird. I can find dozens of people to attest to that. But, maybe you’re weird, too.

Perhaps you’re an improvisor (even without stage experience). Perhaps you’re a mulitpotentialite ala Puttytribe. Or maybe you’re just a free-spirited artist type that hates structure.

Guess what? You’re not broken or wrong!

Their way is not the only way. It may be a way for many, but it’s not the right route for you.

It seems so simple to say, “Follow your own path.” or “Dance to the beat of your own drum.” But, it’s always a weird revelation to find out that you have not been doing that.

I have, and maybe you have, been trying so hard to do it right, that I’ve been playing the game their way and not being true to myself, my personality, and my strengths.

I can look back at Laura’s example and advice and see it a different way now. Perhaps Laura is a vocal coach/teacher that doesn’t sing all the time. But, she is a teacher all the time, even in that moment. I appreciate the advice and the love and contribution behind it, but perhaps we were looking at the wrong piece of it.

I’m embracing my Wing It attitude. I’m getting back to being a full-time improvisor.

Can you do that?

Perhaps that sounds crazy to you. Then, it’s not for you!

Dance to the rhythm of your own drummer. Find teachers that resonate with you; that come from the “same place” you do and got to where they wanted to be. Follow that path a bit, too.

But, when feels hard to see yourself doing your work their way, perhaps you should do it your way.

Or try my way. I’ll be here to help… in the moment, with whatever it takes to make it happen.

Much love.

Inspired by Mediocrity

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If you ask a bunch of people, “What inspires you?” you’ll get a lot of different answers.

Some people are inspired by great leaders or people that have overcome challenges.
Some love great art.
Some are inspired to do great work by their kids.

MEDIOCREI am inspired by mediocrity.

Nothing makes me want to get up and get things done more than seeing something mediocre or half-assed. There’s a “That’s OK, but it would be better if…” thing that goes on.

Sometimes it’s more like “I’m not even a <occupation that does that> and I can do that better right now!”

 

For example, seeing a speaker trotting out some old saw… often about a starfish, I’m rejuvenated in my speaking. I promise to be more original and more dynamic.
(http://lmgtfy.com/?q=starfish+story)

Are you inspired?
How about you? Do you find yourself saying something like “I could do better?” when you see “decent” work?

If you do, I encourage you to take the next step. Actually DO something better!It’s probably a pretty common thought, “I could do that better.” What’s not common is the follow through.

Take up the challenge and make something new and wonderful happen.

Haven’t been inspired by mediocrity?
If you haven’t been the sort of person that thinks “I could do that better,” perhaps you could try it. Examine everything that you encounter more deeply: a menu, a story, a web page, anything. What would you change/add/remove in order to make it better?

The next step is to actually go make those changes. I understand this may be a lot to ask. But, consider what a difference you might make for someone else and for yourself!
Maybe you make a newly designed prototype and show the owner. Without charging them anything, you would help them improve at least one of their processes/items. Think of the goodwill you’ve created.

And the practice you’ve done improves your skills.

You’re Awesome!
This isn’t about become egotistical and thinking your way is always the better way.

You might find out as you try to build a better mousetrap that it’s harder than you thought. By trying it, you’ve probably learned some new skills.

Maybe the work that someone created was actually better than you thought, which is something you’ve will only learn by trying to do it too. You will have a better appreciation for that skill.

For example, learning a piece of music can give you a better appreciation for what it takes to perform it.
It’s just something to try. Find something you think is “OK” and remake it… better.
Do not settle for a world filled with mediocre things.

 

 

Always and Never

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I’ve developed a rule/aphorism because of two different life situations.

On Stage
The first was in Improv. In a scene, you’ll often see two characters talking and, in order to fulfill some unspoken rule about always needing conflict, they’re yelling at each other.

Quite often one will say to the other, “You always…” or “You never…” followed by whatever mean, stupid, or annoying thing the other person supposedly Always or Never does.

They’re trying to establish a pattern or offer a motivation for the other character. I get it. It’s just a bit heavy-handed.

It happens a lot. But, I won’t go so far as to say it always happens.

Kids
The second opportunity to learn this came from having children. Often kids will say things like “You never let me…” or “You always let…”

If you’re a parent, you’ve heard a similar line… a lot.

The child is trying to build their case for what they want by casting you as this unrelenting, ever-denying monster. They’re probably hoping that once you realize how you Never have done it in the past, this could be your one chance at redemption; to come through for them just this one time.

The problem is that Always and Never are Never true Always.

“You’re always telling me to put my clothes away.”
No, sometimes I ask you to take out the garbage.
OR
No, just last Tuesday I told you to leave your clothes because we were in a hurry.

“You never let me have ice cream!”
Last Wednesday after baseball, we went and had ice cream.

“You never listen to me!”
I do listen. I remember when you told me about…
OR
I’m listening now.

AlwaysNever

No Absolutes
Always and Never are Never true Always.
It’s a funny little near-palindromic phrase I made up to remind improvisors and children to stop pitching these exaggerations.

There are no such absolutes. (Except in the phrase itself to be funny and memorable.)

These blanket generalizations are simply exaggerations used to make their point seem more real or important. Maybe you don’t need to pump up your argument. Maybe you don’t need hyperbole and exaggeration to make a point.

What Works
Being honest and real in the moment works.

If I’m mad now because you said something rude at the party, it doesn’t help my point to say “You are always so rude to me when we go to parties!” That’s probably just going to lead you down the path to a fight.

People will want to defend against your “Always” attack. Most likely, they don’t think of themselves as “that sort of person” so they’ll fight against the label.

But, a direct statement about how you are hurt by it now could have the same impact. “When you told that joke about me at the party, it made me embarrassed in front of my friends. That hurts.”

If you have another example of when that happened, it might help your side of the discussion. But, don’t start piling on examples because again, they’ll almost be forced into a defensive argument.

Something Underneath
Another thing to consider when people are making these absolute-type statements is that they are looking for something.

If they say “You never listen to me,” they might be upset because they don’t feel heard. It’s doesn’t matter if sometimes you Do listen. They haven’t Felt listened to.

If their comment is “You never take me out,” then maybe it’s been a while OR you haven’t been making memorable outings.

“You’re always rude to me when we go to parties” may not Always be true, but it’s happened enough times to have them upset about it. Perhaps you might want to be more aware of how you treat them in public.

ALWAYS!
Remember when you hear Always and Never statements that there is something going on underneath it.
In Improv it’s easy. They’re usually trying to create a conflict or give some backstory fast. It’s a cheap shortcut with positive and negative fallout.

But in your day-to-day conversations, I recommend you try to eliminate them from your vocabulary AND listen for others that use it. What are they really saying?