I had a conversation with someone about expressing themselves. She said she thought she was very self expressive. My question was, “All the time?”
She said that sometimes, like with her parents for example, she acted a little different. Perhaps she would stifle a funny comment she thought of and she knows that some subjects are just not allowed to be discussed.
That isn’t being fully self expressed. If you alter your way of being, stifle yourself, hold it in, or don’t speak because you fear how someone will react, then you’re not being your most authentic you. And, you’re choosing their reaction for them.
Be you and let them be themselves in their reactions. Life gets juicy this way!
Now, nothing’s wrong. People do what people do and if it works for you, great. BUT, we’re talking about something that perhaps you do so often that it’s unconcsious. And it is having more of an effect on you than you think. It probably isn’t doing you any good.
Perhaps, when you were young you learned to be good, to not cause waves, or to “hide your light under a bushel” as the old saying goes. Maybe that’s good advice for a child of ten years. Parents don’t want their kids to grow up to be boastful braggarts. But as adults, being more free and honest with what’s going on inside allows for deeper connections, more intimacy, and more creativity.
So this week, really pay attention to how you act differently with different people. Do you ever catch yourself from saying something or really feeling something until later when you’re in a “safer” place? Take a moment to just feel it. Does it settle somewhere in your body? Are you warm or chilled by it? Is it tight or do you feel sort of airy and detached?
It’s good to notice because now you can see that it’s been having an effect on you and you’ve just not been too aware of it. I’m asking you to now be aware of it. Now you can decide if it really does serve you to play a role, act a part, or shut yourself down instead of being the vivid, interesting, fun, or colorful character that you know, in your heart of hearts, that you really are.
I am not asking you to be a boor, a brash braggart, or an insensitive lout. While all rules and societal norms are made up, we do have customs and “rules” that are in place to keep people from beating on each other. (Not that they always work, but that’s another discussion.) Don’t go out of your way to piss people off or be mean on purpose. Just consider that being a different person when you are with different people is taking something away from you or using up your energy.
Be bold and audacious. Have fun. Laugh and love people. Be YOU as richly and authentically as you can. The world loves people like that and needs more of them!
My entire career has been made up of two service offerings, neither of which actually required being credentialed in order to be successful: Web Design and Coaching.
