Toby Martini

Better Business & Better Speaking through Improv!

Whose dream (plan, style) IS it?

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Through some recent coaching, deep thinking, and business strategy conversations, I have come to realize that I have been living a lie. At least, I’ve been running my business as if I were someone else.

The short version of my history is that for the first half of my adult life, starting when I entered the workforce, everything just… worked for me. I met the right people. I was in the right industry. Things just always seemed to fall into place. In life, in love, and in earning a living, I was 10 feet tall and golden.

Improvising everything (before I knew what Improv was); making it up as I went; “playing” at things to make them fun just seemed to work.

I had a series of jobs, doing what we were all trained to do: Join Corporate America. Follow their plans. Love stability.

Working at high levels in Citibank, Danka Office Imaging. and Verizon taught me how to play that game… with structures that large businesses need to run.

 

After a crazy “birthing period,” I swore that I’d never go back to a cubicle again. No more Corporate America for me. I had become psychologically unemployable. (My wife wasn’t exactly thrilled to hear that I was going to have no fall-back plan.)

I subscribe to the theory was that if you have a fall-back plan, you’ll fall back. If you have no other choice than to make it work, you will make it work.

I decided that I was going to turn my business into a Business. I’d get contractors and, one day, employees.

Since I had no business training and big corporate doesn’t teach you anything about running a small business, I started reading and attending seminars, and learning everything I could about business.

I’m a voracious reader and I would read three books a week, pulling everything I could out of each book in order to figure out how to run a a successful business.  Here’s a few great ones I still recommend.

THE LIE

Now, after all that preamble and history, let me tell you how I’ve been living a lie.

I am an improvisor; onstage for years, but just generally in life, too. I am at my best when I don’t know what’s going to happen. Planning for me is a chore and plans don’t work out the way they’re planned anyway. I am a masterful impromptu speaker, teacher, and all-around “get-it-done whatever it takes” guy.

Living the first half of my life that way worked great. But for the last… 10 years, I’ve become someone else.

I have been trying to run my businesses the way the books say. I’ve been trying to Get Things Done like David Allen. I’ve been Trying to be a Highly Effective Person like Brian Tracy.

Basically, I’ve been trying to be the sort of person that they are and I can’t do it. Because I am not them! I’m nothing like them. Yes, we’re all people in business. But, if you look at our personality types, we couldn’t be more different.

There are all these “rules” that I’m carrying around about what is the “right way” to do things and I wonder why sometimes I struggle or don’t want to go get something done. Perhaps it’s because I shouldn’t be doing it! Or at least not doing it in a way that seemed to work for someone else.

Improv ALL the time?

My friend Laura, who is a vocal coach, once told me… actually she sang to me, <lovely lilting singing voice> “I am a vocal coach. I teach people to sing,  but I don’t always sing when I talk to them or do my accounting.” <breath> “Just because you are an improvisor doesn’t mean you need to improvise ALL the time.” </ lovely lilting singing voice>

I thought that was a great point and took it to heart. It really IS good advice and a fun way to share it with me.

In fact, I had already been telling people to be two-headed about themselves and their business. I’d say “Certainly, you should plan, but always know that plans fall apart, things change. Be prepared to wing it when needed.” But combined with her example, I became even more dichotomous. PLAN, SCHEDULE, PREPARE! …and be prepared to wing it.

Somehow for me, Wing It became secondary.

Wing it and Win!

The recent revelation is this: While those people’s tactics, strategies, and mindsets work for them AND may even work for the vast majority of people, it’s not for me. Perhaps I’m weird. I can find dozens of people to attest to that. But, maybe you’re weird, too.

Perhaps you’re an improvisor (even without stage experience). Perhaps you’re a mulitpotentialite ala Puttytribe. Or maybe you’re just a free-spirited artist type that hates structure.

Guess what? You’re not broken or wrong!

Their way is not the only way. It may be a way for many, but it’s not the right route for you.

It seems so simple to say, “Follow your own path.” or “Dance to the beat of your own drum.” But, it’s always a weird revelation to find out that you have not been doing that.

I have, and maybe you have, been trying so hard to do it right, that I’ve been playing the game their way and not being true to myself, my personality, and my strengths.

I can look back at Laura’s example and advice and see it a different way now. Perhaps Laura is a vocal coach/teacher that doesn’t sing all the time. But, she is a teacher all the time, even in that moment. I appreciate the advice and the love and contribution behind it, but perhaps we were looking at the wrong piece of it.

I’m embracing my Wing It attitude. I’m getting back to being a full-time improvisor.

Can you do that?

Perhaps that sounds crazy to you. Then, it’s not for you!

Dance to the rhythm of your own drummer. Find teachers that resonate with you; that come from the “same place” you do and got to where they wanted to be. Follow that path a bit, too.

But, when feels hard to see yourself doing your work their way, perhaps you should do it your way.

Or try my way. I’ll be here to help… in the moment, with whatever it takes to make it happen.

Much love.

Always and Never

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I’ve developed a rule/aphorism because of two different life situations.

On Stage
The first was in Improv. In a scene, you’ll often see two characters talking and, in order to fulfill some unspoken rule about always needing conflict, they’re yelling at each other.

Quite often one will say to the other, “You always…” or “You never…” followed by whatever mean, stupid, or annoying thing the other person supposedly Always or Never does.

They’re trying to establish a pattern or offer a motivation for the other character. I get it. It’s just a bit heavy-handed.

It happens a lot. But, I won’t go so far as to say it always happens.

Kids
The second opportunity to learn this came from having children. Often kids will say things like “You never let me…” or “You always let…”

If you’re a parent, you’ve heard a similar line… a lot.

The child is trying to build their case for what they want by casting you as this unrelenting, ever-denying monster. They’re probably hoping that once you realize how you Never have done it in the past, this could be your one chance at redemption; to come through for them just this one time.

The problem is that Always and Never are Never true Always.

“You’re always telling me to put my clothes away.”
No, sometimes I ask you to take out the garbage.
OR
No, just last Tuesday I told you to leave your clothes because we were in a hurry.

“You never let me have ice cream!”
Last Wednesday after baseball, we went and had ice cream.

“You never listen to me!”
I do listen. I remember when you told me about…
OR
I’m listening now.

AlwaysNever

No Absolutes
Always and Never are Never true Always.
It’s a funny little near-palindromic phrase I made up to remind improvisors and children to stop pitching these exaggerations.

There are no such absolutes. (Except in the phrase itself to be funny and memorable.)

These blanket generalizations are simply exaggerations used to make their point seem more real or important. Maybe you don’t need to pump up your argument. Maybe you don’t need hyperbole and exaggeration to make a point.

What Works
Being honest and real in the moment works.

If I’m mad now because you said something rude at the party, it doesn’t help my point to say “You are always so rude to me when we go to parties!” That’s probably just going to lead you down the path to a fight.

People will want to defend against your “Always” attack. Most likely, they don’t think of themselves as “that sort of person” so they’ll fight against the label.

But, a direct statement about how you are hurt by it now could have the same impact. “When you told that joke about me at the party, it made me embarrassed in front of my friends. That hurts.”

If you have another example of when that happened, it might help your side of the discussion. But, don’t start piling on examples because again, they’ll almost be forced into a defensive argument.

Something Underneath
Another thing to consider when people are making these absolute-type statements is that they are looking for something.

If they say “You never listen to me,” they might be upset because they don’t feel heard. It’s doesn’t matter if sometimes you Do listen. They haven’t Felt listened to.

If their comment is “You never take me out,” then maybe it’s been a while OR you haven’t been making memorable outings.

“You’re always rude to me when we go to parties” may not Always be true, but it’s happened enough times to have them upset about it. Perhaps you might want to be more aware of how you treat them in public.

ALWAYS!
Remember when you hear Always and Never statements that there is something going on underneath it.
In Improv it’s easy. They’re usually trying to create a conflict or give some backstory fast. It’s a cheap shortcut with positive and negative fallout.

But in your day-to-day conversations, I recommend you try to eliminate them from your vocabulary AND listen for others that use it. What are they really saying?

Origin Story

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The King Who RainedThis is what started it all, people! When I was 6, I got this book, The King Who Rained, and I LOVED it! Ever since then, I’ve spent a LOT of time listening for, when people talk, how can I “take it wrong”? What else could a word mean in that sentence? It’s also a piece of homework that I give to everyone that comes through any of my programs. Look for homonyms, words that sound like other words, and also the same word that may have another meaning.

Mary was anxious to get married. But, John was anxious about getting married.

This a great place to start mining for Improv goodness. AND, for comedy in general. It’s not just for being able to throw out a one-liner or, heaven forbid, a bad pun. But, it’s a chance for you to give your brain some exercise; to think in a way that you normally do not. And, research has shown that doing mental gymnastics helps people stave off dementia and Alzheimer’s. So, keep that in mind. Do this exercise! Watch for way’s to “take something wrong” and make yourself giggle. Once you become facile with it, maybe you can start saying them out loud to people. (And they’ll think you’re funny.) Perhaps when someone says that they “have reservations about your project,” you can ask if that will be a “table for one”? That might not be the best joke ever, but in the spur of the moment, you would make people near you chuckle, lighten the, mood, and give yourself a moment to think about how you will now decide to deal with the naysayer, too. Have fun… always! Bonus Trivia: This book was written by Herman Munster from The Munsters!

I’m excitable!

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I look back over my last 10 posts and notice something interesting… I love exclamations! Six posts have !!, two have ??, and that leaves two that are just titles.

That’s probably a fair ratio for how I write in emails and how I talk, too.

What could that mean?

I’m pretty sure it just means that I’m enthusaistic and energetic.

How about you? You should check on your communications. Are you enthusaistic when you talk to people about your business, your family, your life?

It’s a big part of Improv. Scenes and shows are better when they’re high energy. Of course, they can’t ALL be high energy, but we sure do have a high percentage that lean that way.

And why is that? Because high energy equals fun. You never see a depressed person walking full-tilt. And besides Steven Wright, you don’t see morose comedians.

My recommendation for you: Walk faster this week and use more exclamations in your speech and your writing.

HAVE FUN!
(It’s way more fun than not having fun!)

 

My father’s last lesson

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Wally Martini

“I just want to get back into business.”
Wally Martini – 11/18/2010

My father’s last words fit him to a T. When I tell anyone that knew him those last words, they say, “Yep. That’s him!”

You see, my father was only an employee for a short time in his life. Outside of that, he created a number of businesses. Most of them did quite well, especially considering he almost always started them off with little or no resources.

He was born with the “gift of gab” as they say. A natural born salesman that always had a story and a smile. He mostly worked in sales, selling everything from time share to used cars, to store fixtures, and dozens of other things in between.

He was “Jolly Wally, the Round man with the Square Deal.”

But, something in his background, some events that happened to him, some story that he told himself about the world… led him to be self-destructive when things got going well.

And that’s why he had to keep starting businesses instead of taking one to fantastic heights.

So, why am I telling you this? It’s because of something that just dawned on me. I was talking with Ruth Rymal the other day and I was talking about how I’ve coached so many people out of the corporate slave pens and into their own business. But for some reason, until only recently, I have kept suckling at the corporate teat!

I now know that my Dad never wanted me to have a hard life like he had. He never wanted me to have to struggle with not being able to feed the kid (and in my case, three kids!) he wanted me to have a comfortable job where I would know that I had a steady paycheck.

I truly thank him for caring and I know he only wanted the best for me.

I’m sure that a stable job with benefits is fine for some folks, but it is NOT a path to success.


Millionaires don’t work for people, do they? They own their own businesses. And the best of them created their own business from nothing..

So, like my Dad, I just want to get into business. And hopefully, I’ve worked through enough of my mental junk that I won’t be so self-destructive and I’ll take this thing to the top. You know, my name in lights 15 feet tall and all.

The error in his thinking was that being in business for yourself is hard and comes with a lot of severe ups and downs, and they end badly. Sure it has ups and downs, but we can prepare for that and they don’t have to end badly if we can manage our own demons.

I say that running your own business is the path out of mediocrity and baseline living.

What’s your dream? What could you create? What’s stoppping you??