Are people mean to you?
Do you think it’s on purpose?

Check out this article below. It reminds of this, possibly mis-paraphrased, quote:

Don’t worry what people are thinking about you. They’re Not.

If only we could all give up the “always looking good (or cool)” game, more would actually be accomplished in the world. Sadly, sometimes looking good keeps people from trying. It’s the root of Fear of Failure.

(This is excerpted from Scott Young’s “Critical 7 Rules To Understand People”)

Never blame malice for what can easily be explained by conceit.

People don’t care about you. This isn’t because people are mean or hurtful, but simply because they are mostly focused on themselves.

Consider this hypothetical pie-chart showing the variety of thoughts a typical person has:

In this example, 60% of thoughts are self-directed. My goals. My problems. My feelings. Another 30% are directed towards relationships, but how they affect me. What does Julie think of me? How will boss evaluate my performance in the next review? Do my friends like me or see me as irritating?

Only 10% in this model is time spent in empathy. Empathy is the rare event where one person actually feels the emotions, problems and perspective of another person. Instead of asking what Julie thinks of me, I ask what is Julie thinking.

Within that 10%, most people then divide attention between hundreds of other people they know. As a result, you would occupy a fraction of a percentage in most peoples minds, and only a couple percentage points in a deeply bonded relationship. Even if you are in another persons thoughts, it is how your relationship affects them, not you.

What does this mean?

Embarrassment doesn’t make a lot of sense. Since others are only focusing a small portion of there thoughts onto judging you, your self-judgement is overwhelmingly larger.

People who appear to be mean or hurtful don’t usually do it intentionally. There are exceptions to this, but generally the hurt you feel is a side-effect, not the principle cause.

Relationships are your job to maintain. Don’t wait to be invited to parties or for people to approach you.

You Are Perfect
Even When You Are Not

Others Are Perfect
Especially When You Are Not

Life Is Perfect
When You Finally See That It Is

 

I believe these are from Thomas Leonard.
Either way, it’s an awesome mantra to get through your day and your dealings.

Much Love.

 

Is your purpose in life bigger than any pain you may have in fulfilling on it?

Can you see it largely enough and vividly enough that, no matter what happens, it pulls you forward?

This is how the greatest and most inspirational people in our world were able to do what they do. Their vision of the future or the picture of their life as their purpose unfolds is what pulled them through the hard times.

A hero is not superhuman. They are normal people, just like you, that gets committed to fulfilling their dream.

So, create your dream. Make it real in your head.
And then, get to work creating it in the world!

You will be become bigger, better, stronger and more vibrant and the world will be a better place because of you.

Thanks in advance!

Abraham Maslow wrote the Hierarchy of Needs, which has been used in many disciplines to explain, justify, or analyze people’s actions. He also wrote “8 ways to Self-Actualize.” My personal Favorite? #8

Find out who you are, what you are, what you like and don’t like, what is good and what is bad for you, where you are going, what your mission is. Opening yourself up to yourself in this way means identifying defenses — and then finding the courage to give them up. — A. Maslow

Self Actualization is the topmost part of the Hierarchy of Needs. This is where you remove your limiting beliefs, quiet the voice in your head, and become fully expressed in the world.

Identifying defenses is sometimes hard because it’s not so easy to see how you are. It’s often very obvious why other people do what they do, and with some examination, you may be able to show them. But, it’s quite another thing to do that for yourself. You need a coach, an outside observer to watch you, listen to you, and to question you.

As you go through your day, any time you experience something “bad,” ask yourself how much of that negative experience comes from your attitude and how much from the situation itself.

In many cases, the attitude shapes the experience. Take control of your attitude and your reactions to experiences.

Don’t let the circumstance dictate your mood or your actions.

You get to be in charge of your own body, thoughts and emotions.

Here’s an example: Have you ever been excited, happy, and going through your day with joy, and all of a sudden, someone says just “The Wrong Thing” and now you’re mad?

The person said whatever they said, and it may have been mean, or spiteful, or whatever it was that irked you. But, if you let that change your mood and attitude about life, you’ve given that person a lot of power over you.