Are people mean to you?

Are people mean to you?
Do you think it’s on purpose?

Check out this article below. It reminds of this, possibly mis-paraphrased, quote:

Don’t worry what people are thinking about you. They’re Not.

If only we could all give up the “always looking good (or cool)” game, more would actually be accomplished in the world. Sadly, sometimes looking good keeps people from trying. It’s the root of Fear of Failure.

(This is excerpted from Scott Young’s “Critical 7 Rules To Understand People”)

Never blame malice for what can easily be explained by conceit.

People don’t care about you. This isn’t because people are mean or hurtful, but simply because they are mostly focused on themselves.

Consider this hypothetical pie-chart showing the variety of thoughts a typical person has:

In this example, 60% of thoughts are self-directed. My goals. My problems. My feelings. Another 30% are directed towards relationships, but how they affect me. What does Julie think of me? How will boss evaluate my performance in the next review? Do my friends like me or see me as irritating?

Only 10% in this model is time spent in empathy. Empathy is the rare event where one person actually feels the emotions, problems and perspective of another person. Instead of asking what Julie thinks of me, I ask what is Julie thinking.

Within that 10%, most people then divide attention between hundreds of other people they know. As a result, you would occupy a fraction of a percentage in most peoples minds, and only a couple percentage points in a deeply bonded relationship. Even if you are in another persons thoughts, it is how your relationship affects them, not you.

What does this mean?

Embarrassment doesn’t make a lot of sense. Since others are only focusing a small portion of there thoughts onto judging you, your self-judgement is overwhelmingly larger.

People who appear to be mean or hurtful don’t usually do it intentionally. There are exceptions to this, but generally the hurt you feel is a side-effect, not the principle cause.

Relationships are your job to maintain. Don’t wait to be invited to parties or for people to approach you.